2020. I think we can all agree it didn’t turn out the way we had planned it to a year ago. Our 2020 started out right on track but quickly derailed like everyone else’s. We moved into our new home. We went to The Grove Park Inn for a long, family weekend. I had a hysterectomy. Then right at two weeks post-surgery, everything shut down. It was Friday, March 13 and my son had a baseball game and when we drove into our driveway that evening we didn’t leave again for a long time.
I did a lot of reflection throughout 2020. I was able to recognize who I missed. And who I didn’t. What I missed. And what I didn’t. What I enjoyed. And what I didn’t. And what I realized was that I wasn’t fulfilling my purpose. I had spent decades wasting time. My time was occupied fulfilling the expectations of others; their purpose. I had created side goals in an effort to find purpose because my head and heart were wandering. Don’t get me wrong, I still had some wonderful times with my family, traveling, and things like that but it was the bulk of my day that was unfulfilling. Then the trauma of 2017 happened followed by two hard years of enduring the hurt of betrayal and slander.
I had to search my heart repeatedly because all I kept asking was “why? Why was this happening? How could anything good come from it?” But what I have realized is that we have to ask ourselves what is the blessing in this hardship? What is the lesson? It’s when we find the blessing and the lesson that we begin to steer towards our purpose. And when we begin to fulfill our purpose, we become a blessing to others.
The quiet of 2020 left me with a lot of time to think about my purpose. I quickly saw that I had been chasing goals that I didn’t care about; I was still in the rut of spending the bulk of my time unfulfilled. When life changes so abruptly, as it did in 2020, you realize how precious time is. Every single day. And you realize that you don’t want to waste any more time not being fulfilled and not discovering and living your purpose.
There is an old saying that if it is worth doing, it is worth doing right. I could not agree more. I have made a point to be intentional about everything I do. For example, cooking supper? I am going to make it a wonderful meal and I am going to set the table and my husband, son, and I are going to talk about our day and we are going to linger in conversation. Intentional time. Fulfilled. If we do all the little things with intention, they become the big things. They fulfill us and guide us towards more purpose in our lives.
I have discovered a new me in this 43 year old body. I am the most joyful and happy that I have ever been in my life. I want to be my best self at all times. Making every moment count. I do not have any New Year’s resolutions so to speak, just the commitment to be intentional. Intentional in everything I do. The joy is in the journey and our journey becomes our story. And I am going to make my story one that is filled with intention and purpose.