It has been a hard time since the loss of our sweet boy, Port. He gave cancer a valiant fight all while continuing to shower us with love and happiness. He took a huge part of our hearts when we said goodbye but he never suffered and for that I am grateful. When he was diagnosed, we cleared our schedules so that we could spend time with him nearly 24/7. We didn’t even go out to dinner during those few months. Our world gladly revolved him and there is such a huge void with him gone. A few days after he passed, I still couldn’t sleep and I was lying in bed dwelling on my broken heart. My devotional that day had focused on the promise of God’s presence so I simply prayed for God to give me some kind of sign or comfort for my hurting heart.
The next day, I made myself go out on my daily walk. I needed some fresh air and exercise. While on my walk, a fawn came out of the woods. I stopped as soon as I saw him because I didn’t want to scare him. We stood there, about 50 feet apart, just staring at each other. I slowly took my phone out of my pocket to take a picture and he still just continued to stare at me. I began taking a video of him and then started walking backwards towards my house while filming him. Much to my surprise, he began following me. He followed me all the way to my house and stopped about 10 feet from the front porch and about 5 feet from me. If only I’d had something to feed him, I think he would have eaten out of my hand. The entire encounter lasted about 15 minutes before something startled him and he ran back to the woods.
I was so dumbfounded and excited about the experience that I called my husband and began sharing the pictures and video with him. After we talked, I paused for a moment and realized this was the first smile and dose of happy I’d had in days. Was this my sign? Was this my comfort? I shared some of the pictures I had taken in my stories on social media. A friend soon sent me a message about the symbolism of the deer and it warmed my heart so much. Her message said “If you see a baby deer, it is a sign that you are in front of an important change in your life. The fawn is a symbol of beauty, grace, and illumination. If you see it, it is a sign that you are opening a new chapter in your life.” Of course, I had to do a little digging on this subject after I received that message.
I uncovered a good bit of symbolism about a deer. It ranged from gentleness, innocence, and kindness to meaning your “spirit guides are watching over you.” As I continued reading, I came across a piece about what it means when a deer approaches you and that was symbolic of unconditional love and heart centered energy. Goodness gracious did that describe my sweet boy or what? He was 100 pounds of unconditional love. He was so full of happy energy, all flowing from his loving heart.
My heart is still broken but I have begun to find comfort. I learned a lot about love from our big, silly boy. I learned in those three months that when you shut out the noise of the world and focus on what matters, your heart becomes more full. You focus on the love; receiving it and spreading it. And I am grateful knowing that the reason my heart hurts so much right now is because it experienced such great love. Love like that never ends, it’s just waiting to be continued.